STOP TALKING TO NEWLYWEDS ABOUT CHILDREN!!!

This has nothing to do with head coverings but I feel this is an important message to all people in the Christian community (and other religions) that needs to be addressed.

As many know, I got married a month ago. I was a virgin until my wedding night. But before I was married, before we were even engaged, family and friends started talking about when we have children.

I want to be clear. My husband and I DO want children. We're looking forward to having children someday. But, come on, let us get a handle on our bills and enjoy each other.

While we were courting and during our engagement, we did not have a lot of just the two of us time. Now that we live in our own apartment, we're learning on how we live together and on our own.

And I got to say, we're doing very well. We're paying all of our bills on time, with enough for food and other stuff, we keep our home clean and tidy, and we enjoy each other's company. But just because we're adjusting well does not mean we are ready for children right now.

Now I know when most people talk to us about children, they mostly mean within the next couple of years. But there have been the occasional joke about getting pregnant now.

I found out that we are not the only ones people talk to about having children. Apparently this happens to a lot, if not all newlyweds.

I didn't marry my husband just to have kids, although someday we will and I have confidence that when God gives us a child in his time, we will do just fine.

But I don't need to hear about children every time I see some family members and friends.

There's a bit of a pressure for newlyweds not to have children but how to raise their children. Everyone, particularly people who do have children, always have something to say about everything.

Everything from attachment parenting vs. strict structure, to breastfeeding vs formula, vaccines, day care vs. stay at home, circumcision, cloth vs disposable diapers, names, housing arrangements, etc.

(By the way, if you completely miss the point of this blog, and start commenting about how which one of the above I should go, I will delete your comment ASAP!)

I shouldn't have to worry about any of this right now. All I should have to focus on is paying my bills; do well at my job, and being the best partner I can be to my spouse.

But when I get the baby talk it keeps me up at night. My stomach churns and clenches, and my mind races.

You see, there are people who are natural worriers. I am one of them. I one of the biggest worry warts you'll meet.

I'm learning on how to handle it. With me getting married, changes at my place of employment, living on my own, and paying my own bills, I worry about the future. I worry about the two of us. And now that I am sexually active, I worry about what happens if I get pregnant. My husband and I are very careful and use protection, but the only thing that's 100% effective is not having sex. And we all know that aint going to happen!

My husband helps balance me out. I just have to remember to talk to him about how I feel. He's a former worrier but now he's chilled out more.

He helps me to remember that everything is in God's hands. We do our part. We pay our bills, we work hard at our jobs, we budget our money, and we always use protection. But bumps happen in life and we have to remember to roll with them and remember God is always watching out for us and help provides for us.

And we've talked about kids. We know right now, by choice is not the best time to have kids. But we talk and open and pray about the day we become parents that God will lead us to wise decisions.

 But that time is not now.

It's not something I need to worry about right now.

My husband says this phrase that he learned from his father and has become a mental mantra to me.

"Don't borrow trouble".

It basically means don't take on worries that you don't have to worry about.

I don't have to worry about kids now. Really, I don't need to worry at all about anything.

Like I said. We want kids, we love kids, but right now it's about us becoming the best spouses we can be. Later that will turn into being the best parents we can be.

But, lord willing, that won't happen for a while. So can we PLEASE drop the subject?

I have enough on my plate already!

Shaming of Housewives

Being on the internet a lot, you hear the word "Shame" quite a bit.

There's slut shaming, fat shaming, etc.

All of which are bad. Shaming anyone for whatever reason is bad. But there's something I noticed which seems to be, eh, alright. Particularly, and I hate to say this, amongst the feminist community.

Shaming a woman because she chooses to stay at home and raise her children rather than have a career. 

I want to say something. I am newly married. I work right now as a customer service rep. My husband works as a satellite installer. Right now the two of us make an okay living. Not rich but not poverty either.

And yes, my husband makes more than I do. There's nothing wrong with that. My husband is older than me and he has more work experience. Plus he works manual labor, which when you do that, you tend to make more than say answering phones like I do.

His goal in fact is to climb up the latter. He'd like to get into a management position. If that happens he would make a salary that would give me the option of working. He won’t be able to apply for a position like that for at least 2-4 years. 

I've expressed that I've wanted to become a home maker to some, and oh my gosh! The responses I got...

"Why?"

"Oh, you'll get SO board?"

"Why would you want to depend on a man?"

And the list goes on.

You see, in the past 100 years women have made great strides in the work place. We've fought for our right to work side by side with men, make equal wages, and hold high positions in companies. All this is wonderful.

But every woman is different. Not every woman dreams of becoming a CEO of a company, a doctor, a lawyer, etc.

Some women dream a lot like I do. Getting married, having children, and raising those children in a warm and loving home.  And that is also wonderful.

I'm sure there will be people reading this wondering "whose shaming house wives?"

Do a quick google search. Seriously. 

Look up "Housewives Are"

Then look at the first three auto completes. 

 

1. "Housewives are parasites" (A quote taken straight from feminist Icon, Gloria Steinem.

"“[Housewives] are dependent creatures who are still children…parasites.” ~ Gloria Steinem, “What It Would Be Like If Women Win,” Time, August 31, 1970. "

2. "Housewives are Lazy."

3. "Housewives are useless"

Click on any of the entries that pop up.

For some reason, we as a society think that when we watch the TV shows "Desperate Housewives" and "The real Housewives of Atlanta, that's how all housewives really are."

Let me tell you something. Most housewives don't have maids and Nannies. That's why they're there.

In fact, experts say that the work a stay at home mom equals up to the work load of two full time jobs.

So why does our society shame these women?

More importantly, why does the feminist movement look down on these women who CHOOSE this lifestyle?

Feminism is supposed to help women live freely and choose their own destiny. But when a woman chooses a more traditional role in life, we snub our noses and look down on her, as if she's got the plague in the renaissance era.

Why is it that a woman chooses this, we ask her why does she need to depend on a man?

But, if a man decides to be a stay at home dad, we applaud him because he's breaking the social norms.

Isn't that sexism? Isn't that a double standard?

Being a stay at home parent is a choice that is optional when one parent is financially stable, the other has the choice to raise the children rather the assistance of nannies or day care.

As a former day care teacher myself, I would like to send my kids to preschool to help develop their social, cognitive, emotional, and mechanical skills.

But I saw way to many kids who were pretty much left at daycare all day. Only interaction they got with their parents were drop off, pick up, dinner, then bed.

I'm NOT shaming those parents. They had no options. To give their children better lives, they had to work late hours.

But if I have the option to not do that, you bet I'm taking that chance.

And that is MY choice!